Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
