Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
