I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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