I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
