Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I want is dick and wine.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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