One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
