Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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