I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
