I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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