Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
