Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
