is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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