Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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