Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
