Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
