My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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