he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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