Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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