An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
