I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
