Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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