It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
