Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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