I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
