Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
