Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
