Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
