I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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