Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
