I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
