OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
