I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
