I looked at my own cervix.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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