I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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