Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
