He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
