Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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