broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
