My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
