Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
