I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
