piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
