i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So many bounce houses so little time
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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