I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
