We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
