Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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