White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
