So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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