You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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