we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sex in a hospital.. check
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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