Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
