im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Boobs are out for the taking
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