It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
