Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What a dumb baby whore.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
