The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
